After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
