I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
