Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how can u be prego again
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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