Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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