I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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