I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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