all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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