Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
