is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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