Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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