every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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