I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I know her cup size but not her name....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
