there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
