I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
