hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
