Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
