so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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