the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
