my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
