Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
