Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
