can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize