Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
