she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Fuck appropriateness.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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