dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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