Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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