i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
