I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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