Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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