i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
