all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
