i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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