when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
