Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he quoted the bible to break up with me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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