my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why do cheetos always look like penises
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
