tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Vodka?
Forever.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
did you just send me my own nude
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
