that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
