we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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