my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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