Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
