So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
