Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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