im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
