Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
