so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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