Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If that was your dad, he is hot
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
