he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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