cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
