she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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