doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
soo... how was my night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
