a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My nipple is on Facebook.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
there's paper in my vomit.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
