I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
