Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
