Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
