clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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