yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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