God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
