I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
