when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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