Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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