I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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