it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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