words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
