Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Pooping to opera.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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