hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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