thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
