Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is my gift to your gina
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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