"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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