I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
