Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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